Journey

Last night, I got back from an impromptu vacation. I really needed the time out to sit and be a bum and read all week, while enjoying wonderful dinners every night with the love of my life.

For as much as I try not to complain, compare, or compete (a solid gem from a very clever friend!), all I could do was grit my teeth at work, and complain to my love at night about how out of control things had become at the office. Absenteeism, poor attitudes, and bosses changing their minds faster than the headlines do… I was inundated with things I couldn’t control, and things I couldn’t improve. I felt defeated but it “presented” as being very pissed off. I was both. And I was letting it get to me, building week after week, and it was no bueno.

I needed a break. So I did myself the favor and made it happen. My love was heading out on a work trip, so I booked flights to meet him there. Let me tell you, an impromptu vaca is in no way a frugal choice. But I am so glad I made that choice. It was quite literally a mental health vacation, and I am feeling grounded again. I know tomorrow at work will be filled with things that could frustrate me. But I’m rested and resilient, so I feel like I have a fighting chance.

In taking that time to read, I finished a couple books. Siddhartha was a gift from a colleague last year that I had started but had been laying on the shelf for a while. Everything really does happen for a reason. I needed to finish the book when I was ready to read its message. After the last couple years on this journey-oh-mine, I don’t need any more proof: the Universe gives you what you need, when you need it, whether you’re paying attention or not. The book was thought provoking, which I found very helpful in my chaotic space. I wanted to be reflective, and this book helped me get there.

Siddhartha’s river epiphany in the book links the future, present, and past moments of ourselves, all together into the being that we are. We are, have been, and will be, just who we are, regardless. When we get bogged down and overly focused on something, whether it’s something we’re excited about or dreading, we lose perspective. I did. I needed to be reminded by seeing the words on the page of someone else struggling to pull myself out of my own reaction. I needed to be reminded that who I was the last few weeks, the last few months, and the last few years, is all just as much of who I am as who I will be tomorrow, and who I will be a few years down the road. I can only control how I react and respond to the events that unfold throughout my life.

Its amazing to me that we find clarity in times of trouble. That we find love when we’re not looking for it, or perhaps have even written it off altogether. When we open our hearts, minds, and souls, even in moments of friction or pain, we find what we’re searching for, what we’re willing to fight for, and can use that as a guide to focus our efforts.

Last week, my focus was honed. I reminded myself who I am, what I’m after, and that I’m in the driver’s seat–or ferryman’s if you read the book–in how I react to the events in my life. Those events are part of my journey of becoming the best version of myself throughout all of my trips around the sun. Tomorrow is just another day on my path to freedom, but it will teach something I need to learn. For that reason, I am grateful to be in a much better frame of mind to enjoy the ride with my love, by my side.